15 Year Old Who "SWATTED" Gamer Convicted Of Domestic Terrorism; 25 Years To Life In Federal Prison - National Report
DeQuincy, LA — What many teenagers these days are considering a harmless prank, has landed one online gamer in more trouble than he could have ever imagined. In a Louisiana courtroom today, 15-year-old Paul Horner broke down in tears after a judge found the young man guilty on two counts of domestic terrorism and was sentenced to twenty-five years to life in federal prison.
”Defense lawyers told the courtroom that Horner, who goes by the gamertag BadAssDwg69, was upset after being repeatedly beaten by a fellow gamer at Battlefield 4.”
BadAssDwg69 reportedly cried like a little bitch when he realized he’d just ruined the next quarter of a century of his life for being a unrepentant little shit over a fucking video game, witnesses reported
I shouldn’t have laughed as hard as I did
Good. I hope this example acts as a deterrent to other idiots who think this shit is funny. If anyone thinks the sentence is a little harsh, keep in mind that the other kids father was shot and critically injured by the SWAT, because that little moron up there thought it’d be lulzy to tell them someone in that house was shooting to kill.
There’s obnoxious pranks, like sending a hundred pizzas to someones house or signing them up for every knitting magazine ever, and then there’s dangerous, malicious, stupid bullshit like winding up a heavily-armed tactical response team and pointing them at unsuspecting civilians.
Bolded the really important part about calling wolf on people.
Don’t be a moron.
FYI for everyone, the National Report is satire. The name “Paul Horner” is a running gag, also used in this mess.
"If a man walks in the woods for love of them half of each day, he is in danger of being regarded as a loafer. But if he spends his days as a speculator, shearing off those woods and making the earth bald before her time, he is deemed an industrious and enterprising citizen."